Don't just take my word for it. Check out what's happening in Dan's* world:
Since participating in the last Marriage Transformation, my wife and I are more aware of how we interact, speak to one another, and acknowledge how one another feels.
We asked each other the question, " What is it like being present in the same room with me". The feedback is hard to listen to without getting caught up in your feelings a little bit. It is gut wrenching at times but it's worth knowing. It has helped us work through some wounds of the past that haven't been healed yet.
There's a lot of meat in there, but I want to point out the word aware.
Being aware of "how you be" or said another way, how you show up in your mate's world, is the starting point to having a transformed marriage. You can't transform something you have no awareness of it.
Read what Mary* has experienced:
I’ve gained a lot of perspective from the 2 zooms I attended. Stop the blaming. I realized I’m a blamer. I don’t want to be anymore. Not only with my husband but my adult children as well. When the automatic response comes out, I become self-aware and apologize. I decided to be vulnerable with my oldest child and explain my decision to work on myself in this area. I want to be held accountable.
This is huge. The phrase I want to pull out of this testimonial is automatic response. Mary is on it. You see, each week we're distinguishing automatic responses ... not habits that have been built up over time and can be changed.
Marriage Transformation Night is about helping you see your automatic responses, avoid them where you can, and like Mary, apologize for them when you see them making a mess in your life and the lives of others.
One more. Let's see what Terri* is experiencing:
I have been slow to respond and slow to react. I am learning to think about what was said or happening before I react, or respond. And I try to do this so I can process what was said / done....or what was not said or not done.
Key phrase: what was not said or not done. We are masters at inventing stuff, feeling some kinda way about it, then taking it out on our mate through anger, withholding sex, slamming doors, yelling, cheating, overspending, manipulation, using the kids as pawns, and other harmful behaviors.
By attending Marriage Transformation Night, you'll become immersed in the world of noticing how much your story of what happened is quite different from what actually happened.
Note: This neither makes you a liar nor a bad person. Instead, it just proves you're human. We ALL do this. And, like Terri, we can become aware and accountable for it.