Crazy Cycle, Same Old Thinking, Same Old Results
Here We Go, Again (Again!)
Are you willing to ask your spouse to speak up when your old thinking and behaviors are beginning to derail the marriage?
You start a particular conversation with your mate, and it leads to one or both of you getting frustated to the point of yelling or shutting down.
Maybe you keep doing that one thing that you know your spouse despises, and it leads to her/him feeling betrayed. Or maybe your spouse says somthing to you, and you react in a way that takes the conversation south.
There's something in your marriage that keeps you locked in what is known as the "Crazy Cycle." In their book Love and Respect, authors Emerson and Sarh Eggerich describe the crazy cycle like this:
Craziness is when we keep doing the same thing — again and again — with the same ill effect. Marital craziness is when we do the same thing — over and over — with the same negative results. I call it the Crazy Cycle. When hurt and frustrated, we continue reacting in negative ways to motivate our spouse to be positive. Can you believe it? That’s like flipping broken light switches for 30 minutes.As crazy as it sounds that we'd flip a broken light switch for 30 minutes, that is exactly what we do in our marriage. Instead of doing something different...instead of thinking something different, we keep doing the same thing over and over.
Of course, this same old thinking produces the same old results that we despise and want to see disappear as soon as possible.
The only way for us to get out of this cycle of craziness is to make recognize that we're being repetitvely destructive, then get help doing something different.
Often, the only way for us to recognize that we're being repetitive is to ask others to point out when our behavior is what's causing us to get stuck and frustrated.
Are you willing to ask the Lord to point out where you're making matters worse by your old thinking and behaviors? Are you willing to ask your spouse to speak up when your old thinking and behaviors are beginning to derail the marriage?
That's the only way you can finally put a stop to here we go, again (again!).